My First Time

Not gonna lie. I'm probably the only female in America that has never seen more than a single episode from any one season of Bachelor/Bachelorette. So last night was the new season premier. I picked a good first...[insert joke about cherry pie here]...see what I did there?

Here's a full roster that I don't care to post or comment on. Just 19 really good looking people wearing very little clothing all under one roof. A lot like The Office minus the cubicle walls and florescent lighting. See, human nature pretty much plateaus after age 12 when those hormones start to kick in.

The Bachelor Pad - season whatever. Bunk beds and night vision. Crazy-girl-syndrome and straight up douch-baggery. This season lacks a lot of class. Of course I love it already. And I love Jesse Kovacs - who, for 28.3 minutes of the episode, spewed word vomit trying to wrangle himself from the wrath of crazy girl Elizabeth. Also, he's bad boy hottttt. And a total asshole. So Kovacs and Elizabeth - I love them both so much that I don't even know who else is on the show.

Here's their background: They boned (probably like three or four times over the past few months) and Elizabeth has fallen hard, while Kovacs seems fairly content with just texting her after the bar on Saturday night. Hmm. So now that they're both at said 'Bachelor Pad' the tension is tangible. And it looks a lot like Elizabeth saying "tell everyone you love me or else the girls will back me up and vote you off" and a lot like Kovacs pleading "holy shit I can't believe I ever put my *#@% inside this nutcase".

Thank you ABC for my first time. I feel like I should just stay in bed and smoke an entire pack of cigs.

So Monday nights at 8pm...I'll take two rufilin cocktails pleaseandthankyou.