Dear Jillian Michaels...pack your shit.

So there's this rumor going around that it's possible to lose weight on a cruise...correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't that all be done before you board the boat?

Jillian Michaels has to go around 'changing America' with her Ultimate Wellness Cruise via Norwegian cruise lines. For those of you who are not familiar with this psycho bimbo, Jillian Michaels is one of the Biggest Loser trainers. Oh. BTW she's a dude. She's got this notion that,

The standard menus "couldn't have been any worse" from a weight loss perspective. "Everything had butter, cream, cheese, tons of oil. Every fish dish was breaded and fried." [CNN]

Of course it's all breaded and fried! And after a month of starving myself, straight up lemon and water 3 meals a day, I want to shovel all that good stuff into my new bikini boppin' bod and wash it down with Miami Vices, Pina Coladas, Strawberry Daquiris. And what's a cruise without the midnight buffet anyways?? No trip that I want to be on, that's for sure.

Jillian Michaels is one dude who shouldn't be manning the ship. Who put him in charge anyways? Trying to change America. Getting all in people's business when the reality is: a lot of people are fat and lazy. *ahem* TR *ahem* Puh-lease. Walking around the decks would make any normal-sized person feel like a greek god. It's like a time warp to Six Flags. Beached whales and fish tails. Yikes.

How about this for your next Caribbean cruise: liquid diet. BAM. Where's my fame and fortune?

Health foods? Eff that. Taste this:

[company cruise may 2010 holler]