Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Thoughts in passing

Passed a woman who was leaving the bathroom.

She was carrying a book, a pack of cigarettes, and a banana.

Plenty of thoughts ...but no words.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I do have a life. I think?

I don't know. Sometimes I wonder...

My good friend from high school, Becca, has a good friend from college, Kate. Kate currently lives in NYC with her fiance and a theee-legged cat, Dilly (silly Dilly).

Kate has been blogging about her life after college. Google her blog: Ummm now what

I love creeping on Kate's life. Her notions are amusing, writings are witty. It got me to thinking: does any shit in this blog even make sense?

Right?? Of course not. Office stuff has zero continuity because it's mostly derogatory and of I said what I really meant then I wouldn't have an office to bitch about. Plus it's tough to keep nicknames straight.

Gym stuff has its own blog and flava. My life otherwise is boring...HAHA that's a lie. It's not boring. Just mostly inappropriate considering that my parents and other authority figures have been known to read Cubicle Land.

No. My childhood was boring. vanilla. bland. Ick.

Now. The first thing out of my mouth in the morning is the dirtiest thing that I did last night.

Since writing that down is kind of frowned upon (discretion is not my forte.) and since I find other people to be far more interesting, this blogging is mostly sly and underhanded. It's dark. See!? Even the black background is dark and heavy!

It's dark, in hopes that society will lighten up (so totally 1984-George-Orwell of me.)

There's a reason for the psychosis.  So now it's time to play the ol' Blame Game. I blame: Obama (duh). I blame: women who breastfeed 3yr olds (seriously you're liberal enough to have tit fits over that and, now that you've got kids, can't remember that you used to bend and snap like any other ho??) I blame: your mom (I'd blame mine but she takes the brunt of most of my blames already.)

Shark attack.

On Wednesdays, we wear pink.

Let's thank the Interns for this new weekly ritual, courtesy of Mean Girls. I kind of like it...APPROVED.

Btw. Butter is not a carb.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Reminder: this is 1910

Email received:

Ladies, It was brought to my attention that shorts and short skirts are not adhering to the corporate dress code. I appreciate your efforts to be compliant at all times.


HAHA. Wait. Seriously? I'd have to hike this thing up a mile to get any real work done in it.

Looks like Mock Turtleneck Friday is now every day that ends in -day.

Also. The Intern and I are wearing the same pink button down blouse. Except he's a he.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

America is about to beat obesity with glazed donut vodka.

Glazed donut vodka. All's I gotta is: wow.

Kirstie Alley is about to turn her back-fat on Jenny Craig in 3, 2, 1...

The MSN article boasts full flavor and fewer calories than [get this]: an actual glazed donut.

Next time the secretaries order Friday morning pastries, you bet your thunder thighs that I'm demanding the vodka version.

Wonder where this will fit on Michelle Obama's new food wheel...and AA's 12 steps.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Epic passive aggressive bathroom note

AshCash hit me up from downtown Cubicle Land with this message.

Word up to the Public Service announcer! That is like a federal offense at the office.

...along with clipping your toenails at your desk.

vom. everywhere.