Friday, January 27, 2012

The Office is not a petting zoo.

I just found an MSN article on hugging in the workplace. And you know what?  Hugging should never be allowed in the workplace...ever.  Not even like a hand-awkwardly-around-shoulder. Nope. Any & all embraces should be strictly forbidden in this age of harassment and jealousy.  It's one of those things...dont share your soap bar in prison, dont hug your co-workers.

*Okay touch-zones include broom closet and lunch date rendez-vous points hayyyy

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Your Tagline. Violated.

The New Office has this notion of custom nameplates for our cubicles.  It's cute. Your little headshot is on there, plus!  You get to fashion your very own tagline after The Company's tagline read "Your [Noun]. [Verbed].

Some of the EOTMs (stands for 'employee of the month'. similar to 'teacher's pet' or 'gold star-ers') have put stuff like "Your Ideas. Ignited."

And in all of my twenty-something glory, the only one I came up with was: "Your Market. Penetrated."  It really puts the finihshing touch on my Chewbacca headshot.

sue me. i was having a big hair day.

Got a better tagline for me?

Monday, January 23, 2012

Rock Bottom: Sexual Favors for McNuggets

White Meat...Hard. That ho is really after the nuggets. Day-um, what 15yr old kid in a visor and pleated khakis is gonna say no to a milkshake on his shift break? Then again what self-respecting woman is gonna give it up for a 6pc...(dont answer that.)

At least for a 20pc and like 4 sauces.  Or else no deal, gotta have the sauces (and hell yes fries with that.)

With this economy, currency is out and bartering is IN. McD's better get on the map for this one.  In my last interview at the New Office, the VP flipped to the last page of my resume - his response: "Oh!! Dunkin did you like it there? I always like to know where people started. It's very telling."

Can you imagine if I was like, 'hell yes I was all up on those timbits and workin those honey dip sticks.' Or is that too telling? Whatever.  I was employee of the month for 4 yrs running and each summer during college.  Represent.

To that affect...J-fizz & J-woww weighed in:

J-fizz: 'save me a diet coke...on the side, that is! wanna save my calories. ha!'

and J-woww: 'she does know they are $4.99 for a 20piece right now right? and if intervention has taught me anything you can give a blow job for like $30 and have nugs all week! this woman is clearly not business savvy!'

Friday, January 6, 2012

Tater Tots???

YOU CAN MAKE HEALTHY TATER TOTS!!!  i mean come on who doesn't love tater tots.

Happy Friday :)

Welcome, EZ-E!

Alright!!!  An official welcome to EZ-E, the non-cubicled gym guy who made his debut in the "Occupy This ****" entry.  Courtesy of J-fizz, our very own EZ-E was the inspiration for that piece.  He came to check out his masterpiece the other day.  His reaction?  "You write kinda naughty."

...clearly he's new.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Thursday Notions

In a non-specific order, these points need your immediate attention:

Come on!:Why are Ron Paul (rue paul??) and Mitt Romney at the forefront of the 2012 presidential race?  Apparently one of them made a dig at the's the quote from Mittens "the Kitten': You know, I’ve been looking at some video clips on YouTube, of president Obama, then candidate Obama, going through Iowa making promises. The gap between his promises and his performance is the largest I’ve seen since, well, the Kardashian wedding and the promise of ’til death do us part.  -   That happened months ago and Americans are over it.  It's weird how politicians ask people for a ton of money and then spend their free time taking a crack at comedy.  I'm voting Daily Show Jon Stewart for president if that's the case.  At least his material is on point.  Hard.

Bought a new car:  Wondering how long it will throw my creeper off the trail...

Journalism continues to make strides: If you are a first-time home cheesemaker, D&C says to go with ricotta.

Found an old family photo:  It's wretched.  The Chinese looking ogre in the back is me:

 ((Lin...what happened to your eye brows?))

Gympact App probably worth it

Radio personalities were chatting up this sweet new app, Gympact.  Basically you enter your credit card info, register you gym/local fitness facility, and schedule out your days of the week that you plan on going there.  You get to 'incentivize your exercise' - except that incentivize is not a word.

Because of the new stalker edition of smartphones, the app will be able to register your location, date, time (but hey! at least it can't watch you park your car!).  BUT!  If you cop out on your gym time, it will CHARGE YOUR CREDIT CARD whatever monetary penalty you opted - how bout that??  As the app collects these charges from the slackers and pools the monies to pay people who DID go on their days/times.  BOOM.

That's pretty cool.  I'd like to get paid to go to the gym.  Except that the health and overall wellness rewards are not a bad pay-off.  Weird right?  That juicer dude, Jack LaLanne said, "Your health is your fitness wealth," (or something.)  What's it worth to you?  So app that shit if you are on the fence about your saddle bags.

Think about it for a moment.  You may absolutely loathe going to the gym.  But do you love being fat?  Working out is kind of the lesser of two evils.  Either run around for an hour and sweat a little, or look like a cow in holiday pictures for years and years for everyone to see for forever.  Ah, memories.

sealed with a kiss.

I'm not allowed to blog about it.