Tuesday, February 21, 2012

why is heidi klum a success story?

How do you feel about Heidi Klum giving advice on how to succeed in business?

Did she ever spend time in a cubicle? Thanks a lot,, tell me one more time that I should be doing 'something I love' and 'be passionate about what I do'.  But I'm like totally loving this ergonomically detrimental swivel chair and dual-screen migraine action so keep your entrepreneurial nuggets to yourself.  I'd rather hit up Khloe Kardashian for the best cardio workout (ps she and Lamar broke their sex swing. Google that shit.)

Lick it, World Wide Web. I'm over you.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Celebrate Politically Incorrect Monday in Cubicle Land

Ghetto Hikes (click here) was shared by a cube colleague and I absolutely can't get enough!  A dude who works with inner-cities, taking them through the great outdoors and they say some hysterical shit.

Kids call it like it is.  I do a kids Bible group on Sundays (right? just full of surprises).  One kid looked up at my friend and asked her, "Do you have a baby in your belly?"  Point. Blank. She said no, asking why he thought that.  His response: "Then why does your belly stick out?" I mean...I laughed.

Although if that were me, I'd cry.  Well...first I'd run to RiteAid. Yee...and then I'd cry.

But since we are celebrating Politically Incorrect Monday here in Cubicle Land, here is a fresh funny from my girl JV that she used to win he comedy competition last night:

"And as it's written in the Bible. God descended. He took the black men, and the Asian men.  And said to them: you can either have jobs, or you can have d*cks..." - I think we know how that story ended.  HAYYYY!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

"Hanging photos is one step closer to permanance"

I remember the thrill of cubicle land.  The newness, the excitement, the feeling of having purpose, and thinking that people depend on you.  That's right!  My internship gave me the pomp and circumstance that no A+, no Girl Scout award had EVER given me.  In my little 4x4 world, the very success of The Office was dependent upon my color-coded spreadsheets (and I even encoded the pages with passwords.  suckas.) - I knew that place like the inside of my refrigerator!  That's called 'Office Think'.  And it's like team spirit for Staples.  Offices count on it, because it makes you feel like you should work 12 hr days and give up your weekends.  Newsflash: you're replaceable.

So I was hard-pressed to rain on my friend's parade.  She forwarded everyone her new cube set up. And here was the thread to follow:
Scooter: Hanging pictures and other decorations is one step closer to permanence....

Me:  You just had to say it, Scooter...
It's true though.
Rule of thumb - only bring personal items that, in total, will fit securely into a ziploc baggie in case of emergency and/or great escape. As if to say 'i don't plan on sticking around'
Or don't. And then people feel more welcome in your cube and socialize more often.
We know how I feel about that.
Scooter: Someone had to.  Great points though Shadds!
E: Oh. My god. You kids.

Furthermore, I actually like my job and Most of the people I work with. Plus I have to nest. Otherwise, I'm miserable.
Me:  Why thank you, Scooter!

And did I say I didn't like my job? I mean, really I just accept it as a necessary allows me to do what I love (wtf) - which oftentimes requires sacrifice (sleep, sanity, social life)...and it supports my dreams of, well, everything (marriage, family, paid loans, happy hour, and plastic surgery).

Ultimately it bides time & boosts monies while I do what I love and as my dreams (nightmares) come to fruition.

...And In RealTime: it's 4:00pm on a Friday, eyesight is compromised & carpal tunnel is setting in.  Solution? A stiff drink and a good bend.  But in all honesty we know I'll either go play Bingo or fall asleep on the couch by 6:03pm with a Vitamin Water in hand.

Yes. That's it.  Make mine a double!

Haha!  At this point, I don't know whether I'm laughing or crying. Don't look at me...and definitely don't look in my cube.  My intern-self wouldn't even know the cubie I've become.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Having that kind of day?

That day when it takes everything you have to drag yourself out of bed, polish up, and fight through traffic to get to the office.  Blood pressure is elevated. Teeth clenched and white knuckled and road raged.  You've had that day.  And today, that's my day.

A rep just came to 'check in' on the submission he put in.  'Just wanted to see.....' - sorry, see what?  Oh that's right.  Because I clown around, anxiously awaiting your next request.  Nothing else going on, nope!  Just sitting on my thumbs.

The neon sign on my forehead (the one that says: F*ck Off) must have supernova'd.  Because the rep left.  Immediately.

Any techies know how to bust Websense?  It's blocking the best sites and really testing my patience.