Happy day. Chelsea Handler is hosting the VMAs.

Best news ever: Chelsea Handler was chosen to host the VMAs. Well done!

Hello. This woman has built her career around vodka and her dysfunctional family and ridiculous stories. Mel Gibson gets all political and religious, Tom Cruise jumped off the deep end, Angelina Jolie thinks she can adopt every third world country...Chelsea's the in your face, your momma joking, trolliping hot mess that stuck up Hollywood needs. How can you not admire her?

I consider myself a well-read individual. And my college roommate will tell you I'm a Grammar Nazi (but at least I don't correct people with bad-grammar-text-messages...quit that habit a few months ago). But don't be fooled. Mostly I just read Chelsea's books repeatedly, or I Hope The Serve Beer In Hell, or my new favorite: The Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Do yourself a favor and make a couple of those types of memories. Maybe you can contribute some good reads. Any good bite marks/battle scars lately?

Let's be realistic. I carry forks in my purse. Perfection is overrated.