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Twinkies. Fat slob. Gordita.

I know. You're expecting this blog write-up to be about J-woww...and I'm sorry to disappoint. It's actually about Claudia Garza, from an article which was submitted by J-woww [see article].

So CNN.com had a riveting write up on young Claudia who had a traumatic, FAT, existence but has turned over a new leaf. A lot of her grief came from her taunting older brother:

"While arguing with her older brother, their childish disagreements turned into insults directed at her: "You're fat. You're always going to be fat."...During dinnertime, her father would gesture at her from across the table, signaling her to only eat half of what was served. This happened at every family meal, giving her brother more verbal ammunition."

Guess what, Claud. My sister used to tell me the same thing. And then I'd make fun of her grades and would tell her that she'd serving up my McValue Meals in 12 years. That shut her up.

My favorite part is the photo caption that reads: "Claudia Garza said she had to wear adult Girl Scout's uniform as a child, because of her weight." As if being called 'Gordita' and sharing your weight problems on CNN.com wasn't enough - just supersize that dose of mortification and tell everyone you were not only a Girl Scout, but THE SASH SQUEEZED YOUR HANDLES!


Enough with earning your Girl Scout badges. Did anyone think to enroll this girl in soccer leagues? karate classes? Dude. My parents had me playing everything from t-ball, soccer, figure skating, tennis, rollerblading, basketball, ice hockey - putting my plump to good use.

Otherwise, I really can't comment because my yearbook pictures no doubt rival Claudia's. We would have been on the same kickball team in gym class. And wait til you see the updates after Cruise Week. I'll be the pale whale in a one-piece, sipping on a pina colada by the dessert buffet. Life's too short to be skinny and sober.