Mother Earth - Who's Your Daddy?

Okay. First thing: I was stuck in the usual morning traffic. And scurrying through the crosswalk was a woman, circa age 45...wearing a nice pant suit, a sharp trench coat, and schlepping a fucking Jansport on her back. Seriously??? If you look like a geeky high school freshman, carrying your entire locker in your backpack, people are not going to take you seriously. We are going to know that you aren't getting any. And we are going to laugh at you and walk all over you. Go back to band camp.

I mean, just shove everything in your purse or even one of those obnoxious eco-friendly grocery bags. **hint: Weaver, time to upgrade to a man-purse or at least a gym bag**

I had to literally lock the windows to keep myself from berating this woman. Not for nothing, but after all the concessions we make when dealing with atrocities like HR's dress code restrictions, missing staplers, and Crook's random presentation outbursts ("Sir! Sir! Sir! MEDIA LINE!!!"), we can't have old bats like that giving us cubicle ladies a bad rap. We are already being blamed for the apocalypse and all of the recent earthquaking, volcano booming. Forget about tectonic activities, global warming and ozone layers:

"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes"
[Quoted from Iranian cleric after the quake hit Tehran]

No. I'm pretty sure that Mother Earth is ripped about the screw ups like Tiger Woods, Tiki Barber, Jessie James, etc...for cheating on their hot, model wives. And those Iranians get like what, 5 women to marry? But go ahead and blame the innocent twenty-something chicas for just having a little fun. Telling us to cover up is just gonna make you all want it more.

Hanks is having trouble handling the news, she's getting mixed messages from 90-yr-old men telling her, "Women are just so dumb!" I figure my alignment with men in uniform keeps me under the radar. But pretty sure that J-woww may have single-handedly caused the recent Iranian quake...seriously, I'm afraid if I tell her to 'fuck a 5' she'll literally start searching for a 5-yr-old. Hanks and J-woww need to stop plotting to corrupt the Quads before the sky over The Office just opens up and smotes us.

Whatever. Mother Earth's got our back...and God has it set for your spouse to be your perfect 'fit'. Nothing wrong with having some fun finding the right match.

Happy Earth Day.