Back to the Fundamentals

The Morning Warriors, aka the people that I work out with at 5am, are a little left of center. And that's why I love them. If you're expecting an intense Gordon Bombay pep talk (quackquackquack) or a Bring it On rally, you're out of luck, Chuck.

This is some WTF wisdom from the morning work out crew, with a cube crank. Main thing to keep in mind: if at first you don't succeed then try, try again. Whether you are searching for that Right Person or that person for Right Now, the twenty-something dating scene is terribly exhausting. At this point you figure, between nun-chucks and all out facial assaults, what's there to lose...one bitten, twice shy.

War stories straight from the cube file cabinets? Sure. Here is some 'hypothetical' twenty-something insight on how to lose a girl in 10 ways. Consider a weekend gone wrong for our fellow cube chica:

#1- Just because you were the captain of every sports team in high school, doesn't mean you should show up wearing your cut-off high school basketball tshirt 6 years after you graduate high school when you visit your high school girlfriend

#2- Don't bring her to a hibachi grill and as she is scarfing her rice and she asks why you're not eating, you tell her you're trying to lose weight and you're not eating carbs

#3-Strawberries are an aphrodisiac. If she's sitting there feeding them to herself and you're still avoiding carbs and wont eat them... get the fuck out of my apartment

#4- If you tell me how perfect or how beautiful I am one more time (after 20 times in one morning) I will punch my own pretty face to get you to stop saying it

#5 dont ever show up at my apartment reeking of cig smoke and crawl in my bed with your stinky disgusting dirty self and tell me your friend puked all over you in the limo

#7 (oh wait make this number 6) dont lay in bed with me after i havent dated you in 5 years and tell me you want me to be your wife in the near future and try to discuss how many kids you want to have together...again get the fuck out of my apartment

#7 do not send me flowers after i am clearly not feeling you after that adventurous weekend. the flowers make it 3243265436753 worse

[HookerJones models for us the Epic Flower Fail so that our story teller may remain anonymous...see how she innocently pretends to act excited, yet the hand-flop clearly indicates "I'm so over this guy"?]

Enough said. The dude in this 'hypothetical' situation didn't make it to 10. My own shitshows don't usually make it past 3. And so it's back to the drawing board. Fundamentals people. Less is more. Kind of like Snooki's one piece bathing suit theory...

Also. The new kid (who sits next to me) keeps calling me Shannon. Not sure how to break it to him otherwise. Since I say my name every time I pick up the phone.