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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Pedometer Pedantic

Christmas-gifted from fitness guru J-Fizzle just this morning: a pedometer.

Both exciting and intriguing!

And I could not wait to document my day, step. by. step. Alas, after only 964 steps excluding gym time (and it's 12:55pm right now), indicating a "sedentary lifestyle". Superb.

Realistically, my swivel chair gets more mileage than my limbs. But the trek up to Floor 10 just put me over 1000 steps!! If America's obesity problem has taught us anything, it's that one should always opt for the stairs (sans swivel chair).

THIS JUST IN: Hiscock and I have just made our first official sale! Now opening the door for all "his" and "cock" and "money" puns (reach me at ext 435).

Not sure how I managed to drag myself to The Office today, although I can tell you it took about 293 steps. Wanted to call it quits halfway through the day. Here are the best excuses researched:
  • Your neighbor called – the water pipes “broke” and your basement is flooding. Got to get home ASAP! Works only if you don't live at home. Also a get-out-of-jail-free pass for your roommate if they work in same office as you.
  • Food poisoning… works without fail (especially after lunch)! Just be sure not to blame it on your boss’s favorite restaurant. Blame it on the waxy Advent chocolates.
If all else fails, remember it's like the 6th day of Hanukkah and pull the "Politically Correct" card...Christians get their days for Christmas. Nothing like discriminatory leverage.

OfficeMax's exciting elfish escapades have been lavishly outdone by HookerJones' creative cutting. Each cubicle cronie is now charicatured as an impish slave.

If Santa could send me a few of those effin' elves I'd have them dominate the domestic dwelling. Three siblings, one house, no parents. Hmmm. When my mother returns from her relaxing little getaway, she'll probably evict us.

Whatever. I plead the fifth and I blame the dog.

...and to get out of housework I'll use my well-rehearsed food poisoning excuse. Oh, the sedentary lifestyle at its finest (PS currently at 1166 steps).

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