Inner-Office Memo as per the Lovely Ladies of the 9th Level

On the 9th floor there is something amiss. And we've decided to take matters into our own hands...


To: Human Resources Personnel

From: The Lovely Ladies on the 9th Level

Date: December 9, 2009



HR Personnel,

Re: Eye Candy

As we near the end of the fourth quarter, we would like to applaud your department on another successful year. The company is growing to take on many new ventures - it could not have been done without the highly motivated teammates that you have cultivated for The Office.

However at this time we feel it is prudent to voice our concern regarding the elephant in the room.

Adam had Eve. Ying has Yang. The Lovely Ladies of the 9th Level have...a gay.

Not to discount The Boys by any means, who are near and dear to our hearts. But they are not exactly ours...TBag, Ty Ty, JMaves, Chichetts, PolishPride...they are all spoken for. The Lovely Ladies of the 9th Level have become restless with despair. Luckily we have managed to maintain a few shreds of dignity and have not completely lost our will to shower and wear stilletos. Unfortunately the competition for New Guy and Laf-a-Lot has all but destroyed our camaraderie (and has considerably inflated their egos). Quite frankly: this is a serious cause for concern.

The illustrious "bend-and-snap" is now a mere "lean-and-teeter" - we are out of practice. The mistletoe above the first pod will be wilting before it can work its holiday magic. B-fab, the married matron of the group, has her hands full trying to initiate distractions - holiday decorating, lunch-time viewings of The Hills... Lil Thug's eviction is eminent and she will need all eligible bachelors at her disposal if she has any hope of staying off the streets during these winter nights. HookerJones and The Butler have in fact removed themselves from Cubicle Land all-together - hopefully their brave hearts will not be trapped in Executive Holding Cells for good.

Surely you would agree that morale and productivity will drastically increase with the addition of a few GQ models to The Office staff.

The will of the twenty-somethings is not to be distracted by relationships and commitments - work hard. play hard. work it. get it. Is it too much to ask for a little eye candy and some testosterone up in hurrr??

Several solutions were brainstormed to remedy this blatant oversight in The Office's staffing procedures:

An elected 9th Floor ambassador will assist you throughout the interview process to make sure that potential candidates are accurately assessed for height, relationship status, personal grooming, character, current living situation, and mode of transportation. **NOTE: the assessment will in NO WAY disqualify worthy applicants from employment, but the Lovely Ladies of the 9th Level may deem it necessary to redistribute their talents to the 8th, 10th, or 11th Floors. Bicycles are, however, a deal breaker. Mullets too.

Additionally, it would be expected that The Office raise starting salaries enough to allow eligible male bachelors to tend to the Lovely Ladies of the 9th Level when socializing at bars (and for courtship purposes i.e. Tiffany's jewelry, Coach bags, erasing MasterCard debt, etc).

Hope is not lost. Now that the air has been cleared, we are excited to move forward with this new venture in the new year!


Forever Yours,

The Lovely Ladies of the 9th Level
(NLSts (aka Chunks); HookerJones; The Butler; B-fab; BuckWild; C-dawg; My Homie; Lil Thug; Magpie; and Liz)