HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - brofist!!!!!!
Right???? fkn right.
[special dedication. you know who you are.]
Friday, January 28, 2011
Well played, Groupon. Well played.
What's greater than spam? Nothing. Junk email sucks. And these days you're punching in your email on every website, redbox, and McDonald's register. Of course I don't want two-for-one fishsticks. That's why I have two emails.
Since I've boycotted any website with on of those "first you must enter your email - this is a secure system" boxes that pops up, I've avoided Groupon at all cost. A stand-off, battle of wills. Who wants to see all the great meals/deals that they can't budget? Tease.
I went onto Groupon the other day since my roommate saw a 'great deal' on tickets or something that would take me weeks of can & bottle collecting to afford. In my moment of weakness/curiousity, I caved. Enter: email...And didn't even buy that day's deal!
Today's Groupon...$10 FOR $20 AT BEERS OF THE WORLD.
Bought four.
"in high school I got the Coach's Award" - Jamieson...
Since Hankins went to the Jets-Steelers game this weekend without me, I gave him the boot. He's been replaced by Jamieson. The only other female left on this floor of dwindling souls (that's right. J-woww quit. that selfish bitch).
Maybe I'm trying to calm my bruised ego. Actually, Hankins left me. Took over J-woww's cube in the back by the Atrium window. It's prime real estate. And I'm happy for him. I want Hankins to be happy...happily dialing with a frostbitten finger from the game.
Never have I been cube mates with another girl. Mostly because I hate them. Jamieson's cube is bare, her aim at ball toss...well it sucks. And she slouches but at least she doesn't speak out of turn. We get to gossip and girl talk so that's okay but I'm afraid this is like a new-pair-of-shoes type of excitement. I'll have G-babe scuff her up some, since he's in here half the time with me anyways. We'll see what happens when she rages at him. That may actually increase my satisfaction.
Monday began her probationary period - 30 days. And Monday also begins my quitting coffee. For real real this time (not for play play).
Life is going to suck for Jamieson.
Oh. G-babe downed a 2ft pixie stick today in one gulp. Meh. Anti-climactic.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
"That's how it is on this bitch of an earth" - S.B.
Ever tried.
Ever failed.
No matter.
Try again.
Fail again.
Fail better.
- Samuel Beckett -
Today. Pauly-C hit up my extension. Simply put. That's all I needed.
dusting off the old headset.
"You don't mind if I have you get back on the phones for the afternoon, do you?"
I mean...this wasnt exactly the promotion i was expecting.
OFFICIAL NATURE NAMEDROP ONE MINUTE NOW TO SCHEDULE SOMETHING LATER. j-woww imma make you so proud.
I mean...this wasnt exactly the promotion i was expecting.
OFFICIAL NATURE NAMEDROP ONE MINUTE NOW TO SCHEDULE SOMETHING LATER. j-woww imma make you so proud.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Whose brilliant idea was MeatWater?
Void? Void of what. Oh so the 'meat' fills a 'void'? And all of the sudden; BANG, you're full? Of what. Solid protein and some Vitamin D?
(these people so need to hire me.)
But when all else fails. Take a big [hard] gulp of meatwater. Fresh from the loins of Mother Nature.
Big and beefy and hearty. Don't forget to swallow.
...no joke, meatwater is a legit product. flavors include: grilled chicken salad, poached salmon, steak whatever.
This is obviously just the dark underside of Betty's gymnastified project. Or the New England Patriots' training regiment. ZING.
 |
| meatwater. |
(these people so need to hire me.)
But when all else fails. Take a big [hard] gulp of meatwater. Fresh from the loins of Mother Nature.
Big and beefy and hearty. Don't forget to swallow.
...no joke, meatwater is a legit product. flavors include: grilled chicken salad, poached salmon, steak whatever.
This is obviously just the dark underside of Betty's gymnastified project. Or the New England Patriots' training regiment. ZING.
Everything will soon make perfect sense.
Saturday, January 15 - travel with family to meet Grandma Shadds/Tony, Aunt Nina, Cousins Joe & Jon in Ithaca for dinner. This is our special post-holiday tradition to gather, exchange gifts, and say happy birthday to Gma Shadds. For Christmas, Gma Shadds gifted me three (3) very significant objects: a cross to hang in my apartment (God is very important.), money (money makes the world go 'round), and leather gloves (J Crew, to complete my young professional winter outerwear ensemble). Yes. Make note of those.
Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - gear up for big week. Moving onward and upward! Big things this year.
Toss quick post up about growing anticipation for new laptop (btw. it's incredible.) - you may remember this. You may have been dismally staring at it for the past week.
I DIGRESS! Here's where shit gets interesting:
*most of you will find great amusement in the reality of such ridiculous misfortunes. rest assured. they are all painfully veritable tales*
Wednesday, January 19 - warm weather from Tuesday turns into icy conditions for early-morning commute to gym...especially the early-morning commute down twisty, dark Panorama Trail. I hit black ice and proceed to spin out of control, a solid 270 degrees all the way across the road and backing up onto the bank. Backing up onto a tree that is kindly propping me up, half of car dangling over the ravine. Awesome.
Immediately text J-fizz, "Can't make it. Spun off road." She calls and offers help, ride, etc. Other gym-goers offer the same. But Officer Steve Williams happens to be driving past and stays with me til Mr. Handy Tow Man named Fritz can yoink my little Honda from death's grasps.
I am able to drive away unscathed. I still go work out, text bosses that I will only be thirty minutes late (oh yeah, go me.).
Go to apartment and get ready for the day. Sun is shining and I have my Dunkin in hand. Leave apartment and approach car...SOME EFFING JERKOFF HAS HIT MY DRIVER'S SIDE TAIL LIGHT; SMASHED IT AND SCRAPED THEIR UGLY GREEN PAINT ALONG MY CAR. And fled the scene. Mother. Fucker.
Shitty driving, shitty driving conditions. Okay. That's one thing. But if you drive into some one's car and leave it for their insurance to deal with, then I only wish for your engine to drop out and transmission to combust in the middle of the thruway during rush hour traffic. After you've run over your dog.
I end up going to work, proceed to freak out. It's not even 9am...boss gives me the green light to leave. Day is spent doing much more fulfilling things like visiting Mrs. H and J-fizz/her chilluns.
Thursday, January 20 - J-woww quits. Before 10am. Hankins ditches me and vultures her cube by 11am.
Friday, January 21 - new cubemate Jamieson moves in. Meet family out for dinner. LOSE ONE OF THE LEATHER GLOVES THAT GRANDMOTHER HAS GIFTED ME. This is why we can't have nice things.
Saturday, January 22 - lock self away in solitary confinement, remove all sharp objects from vicinity.
Sunday, January 23 - 3:40am miss call from J-fizz...3:41am answer call from J-fizz. [This is a very important call. This is a very special, very exciting day. Her little baby girl is born at 8:39am. Hello world :) ] I spend the day chillin with/watching over her other chilluns. My brother is a very good brother to bring me coffee. Lots of coffee.
Monday, January 24 - back at work. This is boring. I am fried.
Tuesday, January 25 - I have developed a plan. Betty would say, gymnastify. Jamieson would say, get it in. I would just say, commission friends to guest me at their gyms for the next month so that I can get my sweat on and assess the locations for their choice/taste in muscle men (keeping an eye on form, pace, etc)...of course I always have a lot to say.
I think that I am incredibly clever with this fun experiment. BuckWild is my first proponent. BuckWild bails last minute. G-babe says Five Guys Burgers and Barnes & Noble after gym (obviously, I'm in.). G-babe will sign me in. Somehow I find the wrong parking lot, then I think that I am exiting wrong parking lot.
Nope. Curb >>> snowbank.
G-babe must assemble handy Eddie Bauer shovel to dig me out. He laughs. But I assure him we will probably get food poisoning later from dining together. Skip gym. Straight to burgers/books.
...
oh. and i saw a man jerking off outside the parking garage on my way to work this morning.
AND THAT IS WHERE THE HELL I'VE BEEN. Some guardian angel earned their wings.
In sum: I am broke (bye-bye Christmas coin). I ruin things (back to my $2 hobo gloves and oh btw how much longer on my car's lease?). But! I survived, and like...I think it's pretty amusing (say prayers every day).
Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - gear up for big week. Moving onward and upward! Big things this year.
Toss quick post up about growing anticipation for new laptop (btw. it's incredible.) - you may remember this. You may have been dismally staring at it for the past week.
I DIGRESS! Here's where shit gets interesting:
*most of you will find great amusement in the reality of such ridiculous misfortunes. rest assured. they are all painfully veritable tales*
Wednesday, January 19 - warm weather from Tuesday turns into icy conditions for early-morning commute to gym...especially the early-morning commute down twisty, dark Panorama Trail. I hit black ice and proceed to spin out of control, a solid 270 degrees all the way across the road and backing up onto the bank. Backing up onto a tree that is kindly propping me up, half of car dangling over the ravine. Awesome.
Immediately text J-fizz, "Can't make it. Spun off road." She calls and offers help, ride, etc. Other gym-goers offer the same. But Officer Steve Williams happens to be driving past and stays with me til Mr. Handy Tow Man named Fritz can yoink my little Honda from death's grasps.
 |
| somehow, I manage |
I am able to drive away unscathed. I still go work out, text bosses that I will only be thirty minutes late (oh yeah, go me.).
Go to apartment and get ready for the day. Sun is shining and I have my Dunkin in hand. Leave apartment and approach car...SOME EFFING JERKOFF HAS HIT MY DRIVER'S SIDE TAIL LIGHT; SMASHED IT AND SCRAPED THEIR UGLY GREEN PAINT ALONG MY CAR. And fled the scene. Mother. Fucker.
Shitty driving, shitty driving conditions. Okay. That's one thing. But if you drive into some one's car and leave it for their insurance to deal with, then I only wish for your engine to drop out and transmission to combust in the middle of the thruway during rush hour traffic. After you've run over your dog.
I end up going to work, proceed to freak out. It's not even 9am...boss gives me the green light to leave. Day is spent doing much more fulfilling things like visiting Mrs. H and J-fizz/her chilluns.
Thursday, January 20 - J-woww quits. Before 10am. Hankins ditches me and vultures her cube by 11am.
Friday, January 21 - new cubemate Jamieson moves in. Meet family out for dinner. LOSE ONE OF THE LEATHER GLOVES THAT GRANDMOTHER HAS GIFTED ME. This is why we can't have nice things.
Saturday, January 22 - lock self away in solitary confinement, remove all sharp objects from vicinity.
Sunday, January 23 - 3:40am miss call from J-fizz...3:41am answer call from J-fizz. [This is a very important call. This is a very special, very exciting day. Her little baby girl is born at 8:39am. Hello world :) ] I spend the day chillin with/watching over her other chilluns. My brother is a very good brother to bring me coffee. Lots of coffee.
Monday, January 24 - back at work. This is boring. I am fried.
Tuesday, January 25 - I have developed a plan. Betty would say, gymnastify. Jamieson would say, get it in. I would just say, commission friends to guest me at their gyms for the next month so that I can get my sweat on and assess the locations for their choice/taste in muscle men (keeping an eye on form, pace, etc)...of course I always have a lot to say.
I think that I am incredibly clever with this fun experiment. BuckWild is my first proponent. BuckWild bails last minute. G-babe says Five Guys Burgers and Barnes & Noble after gym (obviously, I'm in.). G-babe will sign me in. Somehow I find the wrong parking lot, then I think that I am exiting wrong parking lot.
Nope. Curb >>> snowbank.
G-babe must assemble handy Eddie Bauer shovel to dig me out. He laughs. But I assure him we will probably get food poisoning later from dining together. Skip gym. Straight to burgers/books.
...
oh. and i saw a man jerking off outside the parking garage on my way to work this morning.
AND THAT IS WHERE THE HELL I'VE BEEN. Some guardian angel earned their wings.
In sum: I am broke (bye-bye Christmas coin). I ruin things (back to my $2 hobo gloves and oh btw how much longer on my car's lease?). But! I survived, and like...I think it's pretty amusing (say prayers every day).
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