Steve Jobs, you said it.

Find What You Love and Pursue It.

...zing.

Have you ever felt like you were being suffocated, drowned, and clubbed over the head...simultaneously?

I worked two years and 28 days at my last job.  Began June 1, 2009 - Ended June 29, 2009.  Started out strong.  And for a number of reasons, started to fall apart.  It's not worth blaming the organization or pointing all fingers at The Management; because if I had decided to lick enough assholes (or get on my knees for the VPs), then that office would have been my playground.  But I didn't, so I lost.

The thing about a job like that: you make good friends with your peers.  It's the only way you'll survive.  Learn what you can.  Then get the eff out.  And in your off-time, have an EPIC to-do list.  Notch!

When I was 'let go', I felt like shit.  Because the best thing that came out of that cubicle was this blog.  For a while they had me researching (aka: didn't know what to do with me and kind of swept me under the rug for a time) - and in those days, I'd sit in my cube and ponder the meaning of life.  It was soul crushing.  I felt like I was stealing money from the company.  Really, what were they paying me for?

So I busied myself with projects that accumulated on my desk in case some one came over, wondering 'wtf are you doing.'.  So by the time I was pulled into the Next big department, the VP told me, "Don't be here because your dad is friends with the CEO." - boom.  Right?  So I was put on a 30-day notice.  And then I ended up juggling several different job titles to make a comeback.  That sucked.  So yeah.  By the time I was 'let go', I was relieved yet full of nothingness.  Coincidentally, I was 'let go' on the day I put in my two weeks.

I have a number of choice words for three special people who are still there.

What was I really up to this summer?

Recovery.  By the time my first unemployment check deposited, it was apparent that my body had spun off into a different dimension of adrenaline overdrive.  Because of my parents' relationship with the CEO, and because I had moved back home, it made everything seem much more extreme.  On average, I'd get 3 hours of sleep each night - most nights, waking up in a cold sweat and hyperventilating.  I'm the oldest 'kid' in the hood.  I'm the oldest 'kid' in the family.  There are big expectations; there's only so much that the psyche can take.

"If you end up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it." - Frank Zappa

That's what I was doing.  And I deserved every miserable day and any thought of doubt that had crossed my mind.

Days went from full-force to a complete lull.  I did not adjust well.  I went to Italy and got some wordly perspective.  And I slept...a lot.

Back Stateside.  I was babysitting.  And enjoying it.  I was lining up waitressing gigs.  Because I started on my personal training certification.  (right??)  J-fizz orchestrated that, and double-teamed it with AnnieO.  After I was able to get past my little quarter-life crisis, it was all business.  I owe them.

I officially out-did myself on the appeasement front by accepted a full-time job.  But I mean, I totally didn't want to become a "loser" by persuing something that I'm passionate about.  Seriously...waitressing and nannying to tide me over while I get some traction underway with the PT thing?  That 9-5 sure saved me.  Can you imagine if I were a beer girl or something??

Surround yourself with people who will support you.  Those who know me, they know where I'm going.  Learn everything you can from everyone you meet along the way.  And when in doubt, give it a "fk you bitches!"