Pretty sure that nobody wants that app.

Japanese lab invents internet kissing (CNN.com) - A Japanese lab has created a device that may let let you "French kiss" someone over the Internet.

And by "kiss," we mean waggle your tongue on a plastic straw, thereby making another plastic straw waggle remotely on someone else's tongue.

UGH. I hate everything about this.

Like, no it's fine I haven't seen you in six months, I'll settle for a digital image of you and swirling a dry piece of plastic around my mouth (or my...errr??). Delete. All I see for the swizzle sticks is ChatRoulette meets "probe-peller" rim jobs.

Disrobe & Probe, Katy Perry style.

GEEEEEZ Japan. I'd rather be licking trees.