This was nothing like the 'fist pump, push up, chapstick' absolutism of Jersery Shore: Italy. This was the family-style, a la carte vacation. Brother, Sister, Gma, and me.
Let's get this straight: I was very well-behaved. Whether this bores, surprises, or impresses you...keep it to yourself. Receiving Communion at the Vatican has really gone to my head.
We arrived first thing on a Friday. Our cousin Merry was supposed to take us around the old country. We arrived to find her in the middle of a very real, somewhat terrifying mental breakdown. It has been like watching circus clowns cage-fighting. You don't know whether to laugh or to cry...but either way you'll have nightmares.
After a paramount hallway spat, when her psyche supernova'd, she was removed from the hotel premises by an ambulance. That's not a joke.
Our hotel faced the beach and from our little balcony. We could see up and down the entire stretch of the coastline. Speckled with little villas and beach houses and stacked apartments - at night the lights would dance on the water and you can see for miles.
Please note: in Italy, package-watching is not only a sport, but a profession. Definitely not for the faint of heart. But when most men simply remove the thin veil of speedo to re-arrange or scratch themselves it does tend to take away from the thrill of the hunt. (oh yeah, and it all but ruins the market for spandex - wtf!!)
Think: cultural binge. Everything about the county I just wanted to gobble up. Tasking, right? Won't bore you with the foodstuffs. Basically all you need to know is that I was in competition with myself to eat it all. (ps I won.)
And it was everything I ever dreamed of.
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