"I watched you park your car this morning"

Season's greetings!  It's that time of year where we sing, cheer, and grope each other under the mistletoe or in the copy room.  But it's also that time of year where the office creeper may take your friendly smile for a 'come and get it' grin.  Where do they find such whack-jobs anyways?  What matters most, is that they usually find me...

Two years ago, a young man sent me a very crude photo of female body parts.  When I asked him why he'd do such a thing, he replied, "Cuz I thought it'd get you going."  Hey now!  If my lack of cleavage didn't give the green light, then it was definitely the Beanie Babies lining my cube...

My latest creeper is the poster man-child for everything you shouldn't say when trying to pick up chicks:

• "I watched you park your car this morning."
• "Yeah sorry I was like out of breath.  I wasn't mad at you I just got back from the gym - sore muscles, all hurty! stewpit squats!"
• "okay 4get i said anything apparently it's taboo to say thank u when somebody offers you lunch."
• "bonjour. been trying not to bug ya but have u heard anything about my snail mail letter?"

And here's a fun exchange:

Dude: we NEED customers listening to this and based on the attendee list the marketing didn't work

by the 3rd webinar it will be ALL us peeps lol

12:00 PM

Me: 1/3 of listeners were external...not too bad actually

12:03 PM

Dude: % wise yes.

typically direct marketing yields about a 4% response.

i assuming the email went out to about 20k people

1/3 of 25 attendees is what? 8? 8 of 20k is .04%.

12:11 PM:

Dude: fyi that is in no way a reflection of ur contribution

1:44 PM

Dude: btw...whats ur ext?

Don't worry.  I started wearing a fake diamond ring.  LAUGH.