Cabin Fever

"Snowicane"...really?

That term, although clever, isn't really acceptable for Upstate New York...maybe for North Carolina where they in fact experience hurricanes. Then it'd be a cute little pun, plastered all over the media. They'd probably even make some "I Survived the Snowicane 2010" t-shirts.

Pretty sure it's just a blizzard.

Schools, colleges - closed. Vehicles spun out on the highway. Most podmates were stuck digging their cars out from under the foot of snow that dropped from the heavens overnight. Luckily, even with my driving record, my mom lent me her NEW Acura MDX. Luckily, I had a fender before I even made it out of my neighborhood [sweeeeeet].

Is the internet failing out for anyone else? I mean, I've been stuck in The Office stairwell before - but only for 20 minutes. We'd probably kill each other if we were marooned here because of a power outage...or have a spontaneous dance party.

It'd be like LOST: The Office.

NYS is closing down the thru-way. Our city is shutting down major roads to plow and salt. Sweet surrender we gotta get outta here!

Everyone, head over to Legends, we'll throw back a few and then sled our way home.

HookerJones has a bit of cabin fever...she's staring mindlessly at her telephone receiver, squeezing a partially inflated birthday balloon...I think she's got the blizzard on her mind. And by blizzard I mean - Blizzard, not some snowicane. So where can I find me a Dairy Queen?

The Weather Outside is Frightful

Thank goodness we can take refuge.

While the rest of the world is rushing to the grocery store in grave anticipation for the 'snowicane' - we've been listlessly twiddling our thumbs, dialing through our call lists.

We'll see what tomorrow's commute has in store...

No Glow, No Show

Is this real life?

At an AHL hockey game this weekend with HookerJones, The Butler, and a few other Office buddies, we were hostage to a band of hockey jocks and the cast of Star Wars. Somebody had the brilliant idea to award a plastic light stick to every knee-biting-kiddo upon entry - only encouraging them by having costumed freaks parade around the arena.

The 11-year olds were entertaining - but the Star Wars junkies? Not so much.

I wonder what it's like through the eyes of a cyberspace crazy. As a Star Wars fan, I'll admit, the movies were worth my childhood interests. And even now I still appreciate Lucas' dynasty. But let's get one thing straight: I will never be role-playing as Princess Leia to anybody's Han Solo.

I couldn't help but stare at these full-body, intricate costumes - do you think they speak in alien tongues too? I immediately texted non-cubicle friend, J-Fizzle, to alert her...she wished me well and said that if I did pick myself up a new 'friend', she hoped that the batteries for their lightsaber wouldn't run out, "No Glow, No Show!"

Indeed.

To be honest, the small army of 11-year olds had much better game. Another beer or two could have really put HookerJones in a compromising position. They charmed us with pictures of their girlfriends on their cell phones...and they were yelling at each other about 'naked wrestling' with their girlfriends (ummmm???).

Then again, we can't judge. We sit in 5x5 boxes for over 40 hours each week tethered to Polycom phones.

So whether from our quadrilateral quarters, behind a storm trooper's helmet, or from the eyes of a pee-wee hockey team...to make it in the real world or in fantasy land, you just gotta...

How To Lose A Sale in 10 Ways

Really there's only 1 way to lose a sale...

by NOT smiling and dialing!

It's a struggle to maintain such poise and intensity, aight???

So apart from CNN.com and the late afternoon horoscope readings, you gotta have something to help you through.

Most of the time I'll find a 'rando' in my email contact list and shoot out some ramblings. Watch out Hallmark, there's a more endearing way to personalize that 'thinking of you' urge; I call it E-mail Roulette. I actually have two email addresses...keep your eyes peeled for that inbox shout-out.

HookerJones avidly solicits co-workers on their way to the copier - she's raising funds in her plastic surgery tin.

C-dawg's had many projects: dialing, flower pressing, dialing...

Since the world outside The Office is still a snow globe, C-dawg and I have to suppress the urge to run sprints through the pods. Until we can hit up the hill for our post workday marathoning (aka light jogging in circles), the most intense calorie burner is typing up emails...which isn't even too promising since I'm at 10WPM these days.

Chi-chetti's been very focused these days. He was even here after hours one day *gasp* We're launching an investigation, he must be hiding the Kool-aid somewhere in his desk.

The new guys have certainly spiced things up - NLSts sandwich! You'd think that their fresh go-getter attitudes would put a smile on my face but unless they start fetching me coffee on the hour, and unless Groupware can reboot, there's no way I'll be able to turn my frown upside down.

Let's work our spin-savvy and brainstorm How to Close a Sale in 10 Ways.


BUTLER!!!! HOW'S FLOOR 10?? miss you.

Bye Bye Butler

Today we mourn the departure of our beloved podmate, The Butler.

World's Greatest (Walk of Shame)

"the humpty dance is the trance, do the hump! oh humpty baby do the humpty hump!"


A friend texted me today, told that they were listening to R. Kelly's "World's Greatest". Good beats. And it prompted this very blog post.

At 11am EST, Tiger Woods addressed his fans/former followers/gossip queens. Thanks to CNN.com we here in Cubicle Land were witness to the world's greatest walk of shame. Very long overdue. (The Butler and HookerJones were wondering who wrote it - very well done.)

The term 'walk of shame' never quite made sense to me. Most people I know aren't usually ashamed of a little bang-bang-boom; another notch in their belt. But watching his conference was like being at a funeral. Yikes. Imagine: grovelling for forgiveness, formal attire, the most somber of audience members (with Kleenex in hand). That is a true walk of shame.

What a shithead.

What happened to loyalty and the sanctity of a vow? In the face of all this infidelity, we are reminded of true American spirit these days by the stunning performance of Team USA in Vancouver. For better or worse, from coaches to couch potatoes, we are there for our athletes.

And then there's The Office. I'll be damned if one of my podmates turns their back on The Office. Seriously, here in Cubicle Land we are all about The Office. It's just seething from our pores. We dine together, frequent bars together, share gossip - basically spending most of our waking hours together.

This bond, this brotherhood, must be branded. Let's get tattoos.

I Wonder What It's Like To Be Head Honcho

I wish the real world would just stop hasslin' me.

C'mon - Real World by Matchbox 20? That's a classic!

So B-fab was a vegetarian once. Not because of animal rights or anything; she just hates the texture of meat. Also The Butler was trying to pitch American Apparel to us pod prepsters. Nothing like some striped neon leggins and a headband to get ready for the Ugly Disco.

It's been what, 8 months since The Butler, HookerJones and I started this job? Probably one of the longest committed relationships I've ever had. That's nice.

The neat thing about having been with the company for 3 years (as a summer intern, now as a full-timer) - I've been witness to incredible change. And that's a cool thing to be a part of. Right now we are the little babies of The Office, fresh minds to be molded.

A word of advice...once we fine soldiers of sales make it to bigger and better salaries, remember the grace period. Notice the new hires - all eager and chomping at the bit. Notice the veterans - painting our nails and partially comatose. That grace period hits circa month 3 of employment. And that's when, as the head honcho, you either need to give 'em the ax or capitalize on their teeming twenty-something energy. Otherwise they start picking up poor habits like, I dunno, discussing clothing lines, vegetarianism and...blogging.