Think of it as skipping hand-in-hand through a minefield...or times square.

"Dinner for Schmucks" with Paul Rudd/Steve Carrell

The New! department had a night out on The BossMan. Sometimes Cubicle Land has its perks.

Our tight-knit family of 23 got the VIP treatment for a job well done. Ah, the fruits of our labor! It's the type of occasion that only happens on occasion. It varies from happy hours, to lunches, to fine-dining on a Tuesday night. Spreading enough time between occasions is key to relieving any awkward tension from whoever royally embarrassed themselves on the latest occasion (imagine what the hiatus was like after our cruise...).

It's when we get to plan out a day-to-night outfit and act in our 'off-the-clock' character with The Management. Think of it as skipping hand-in-hand through a minefield. Play safe.

Which begs the question of character. Do we really know the people we sit next to for 8-12 hours each day? WHO, in fact, is the man huddled in his cubicle next to you?? Sorry I meant 'person'...who is the person huddled in their cubicle. That's HR friendly, right?

I digress...Let's peel back some layers:

RonTheIntern - is no longer an intern. but a pillar in the New! department. he's the go-to guy; if you have questions, he's got answers. the peanut to your butter. the Google to your search. i knew he had the spark when i took him under my wing, and now he's blossomed into a full-timer that has been building and keeping this New! department afloat...we re-dub thee: RONBON

RonBon's quiet confidence, hard-earned success was rewarded with applause & recognition last night (which looks great in your wallet). His New! family demanded a speech! Standing up on his chair, addressing the frenzied mass of wine-stained smiles and carpal tunnel fork-holders, he declared:

>> "I've been here almost 7 months - and it's safe to say: I hate you almost as much as I hate my own family."


Simple. Elegant.

FunFetti and I were FLOORED by his panache! Sipping his White Russian only made it easier to adore more. He turned to us, and stated, "You mistake my quietness for shyness; there's a whole other side of me you have no idea about."

????????

Um...INTRIGUE!

Great thing we learned about RonBon today? HE WAS A CAST MEMBER ON JACKASS!

RonBon running through Times Square in nothing but a Speedo!

Wonder what the AP will learn about FunFetti this Friday...

**not suitable for work. or most other situations**

SOOOOoooOOOOooooo. Here's the thing.

I'm absolutely teeming to tell you two juicy, epic, incredibly embarrassing (yet typical-of-me) stories. Each detail is integral to the character of each tale. However! Most details are absolutely not suitable most public viewing. I regret to inform you that these stories have already been written and will not be posted. But who says we can't still have some laughs?

email me if you want the goods. i will honor the most compelling proposals with a personal phone call to recount the incidents.

definitely amp up those Facebook security settings if you haven't already

So JG receives a Facebook message...

I don't know if you think I'm playing or not. but, I'm not playing, I'm so serious about that, i like to know more about you and keep intuch with you, then maybe one day we can see each other. I'm not that kind of peerson who says something and do something else, because if I want to flirt with people there are a lot of girls. But, i saw your pictures and your profile and i do like it, i didn't see in your profile and your pictures the same that i saw in any other girl in here.

So, i think you are kind and that why i chose talking to you, i feel you are one of a kind, at least for me. I know it's a long message but i want to tell you the truth about what I am looking for, hit me back so we can talk and see what's going to happen. I think you will like me when you know me. I hope you read my message and replay me after that, I'm waiting for your replay. think about it and hit me back.

best regards, Kal

...red flags on that 'replay' there, JG. HAHAHA! Filter that - stat!

I like to start and end my days with a good hooping. Who's got the swag?

Do they have good form?

Can they keep it up?

Do they fight the beat or do they feel the flow?

...extra points for creativity.

Brace yourselves. It's time to get educated...

A long-time theory, courtesy of J-fizz (as she is a long-time fitness connoisseur and has dedicated her life's work to health/wellness). Consider that a male's weight room etiquette, technique, stamina, and form, are directly related to the proportion of satisfaction in their... 'inverse' relationships...aka dudes bone how they build. Ya digg?

HAHAHA! Wait for it: The theory has been tested (and proven?) with some hard hula-hooping facts. That's right. The Hula. Hoop. Theory.

[Now you're all wondering whose kids I babysit and what other kinds of playground games I got up my sleeve. Firstly, you don't know the half of it. And secondly, give me some credit! Gotta start them off with hopscotch before the big league stuff, duh.]

So this morning we got Suga cranking. Actually we got all of 5am to test their twirl with a good hooping. But Suga just had that sway. Then all the sudden BAM! started doing the jam with some serious deep bends; steady and ready and keeping it up. Even calling for extra time on the clock! What a tease, showing up once a week to get his pimp on - I'm just glad I wasn't sharing a spin bike with HilDog...

The Chronicles' Practical Application: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY WASTED NIGHTS I JUST SAVED YOU for when you're wasted? This is like a sure-fire, foolproof way to have a happy ending to happy hour with your co-workers. Make it worthwhile before you dip too deep in the office pool.

Who cares if you can't see straight by 7pm - a couple swift swings and you'll know if big papa knows how to drop ya! Otherwise, tell him to hike it back up to the belltower with Quasimodo.

And for the fellas on the lookout...something to do with a 'big front yard is nice to look at but there's no groove if those hips don't move,' right? If you don't believe me, there is a Hula Hoop movement dedicated to the hooping lifestyle...http://www.thehoopinglife.com/

Tell me this chick isn't down for a good whooping:

here's a real treat. a text from J-fizz on the HHT (hula hoop theory) in the 6am class:

J-fizz: Your mama turns tricks hard on the hula! You should see her go lol

Bitch, I got it from my momma.

Better go check out your hula hoop solo - you'll know if you're ready for the circus.

Forget you...and the elliptical you rode in on!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

What a sweet-ace music video.  Cee Lo Green...telling it like it is!

He's the type that'll tell you to go to hell, and you'd walk away smiling say, "Yeah, YEAH!  I think I'll go to hell today.  Thanks Cee!"

Just keeping the 'ass' in 'class'...5am class, that is.  Diesel, this one's for you!  j-fizz fist pump, miss mary holler, and a totty twist hahaha.

BTW I'm giving up my early morning am gym.  EFF ellipticals, FORGET YOU treadmills!  Found all that I need on Google, and won't have to move from my swivel chair.  Ha.  Kidding.  Can we get this hunchback some Nair and a set of stairs?

Wednesday shake up

New neighbor!!  Scotty is bringing down the hiz-ouse from 11, and parking it next to moi on the 8th.  That sleek physique and them golden locks...ah, but work time is no time for reindeer games.

p.s. news from the outside (courtesy J-woww): Elizabeth Taylor died today.  rest in peace.  if you need a personal day, definitely DO NOT ask the man who was screaming/throwing chairs yesterday.

p.p.s. much delayed news from the outside (courtesy J-fizz, via Suga):  OldSpice Guy and fkn Kathy Griffin?!?!  definitely going to need a separate post for that.  wtf.

That's Some Dream - Good Old War

...as the story goes on
it's the rule
that we remember
our line...

(betty. with the good beats.)