The Follow-Up Call: when to start stalking.

Consider - a client who has purchased your services. Meaning that the credit card has been charged and you've labored to fill their every need. Collaboration is key in order to produce the best possible outcome. Right?

Then that bitch starts dodging your calls. WTF.

Fetti and I have been tracking down a few slippery little suckers. I don't get it. Why drop dimes and then avoid us? I mean, we're so charming!

Thing is. Their credit cards get run as per the contract.

So now their Rhondas hate us. It goes from "yup thanks for calling!" to "oh yeah I'll tell him you called" to "desk is now covered in post-its from you I think they got the message".

We've assaulted the voicemail inbox:

• Call 1, cheer&hope: Gooood MORNING Mr. So-and-so! Just wanted to follow-up; we know you are running a tight ship. I have my cell on me at all times so DO NOT hesitate to call me day or night! Look forward to hearing back from you!
  
• ...Calls 2-5, grudge: Hi So-and-so. We've been trying to reach you for X number of days. You have my number please get back to me so
  
• ...Calls 6-infinity, desperation&heavy breathing: *gasp* HI. *gasp* Please, we need to hear back from you so we can continue working on your account. *gasp* Your final payment will be run *gasp* tomorrow morning. *click*)

Maybe you don't get it but we are crazier than a 13-yr old with Bieber Fever. Like Sandra Bullock as Mary Horowitz straight out of "All About Steve". We've got your pictures, phone numbers, heart-shaped memos/poems written out...

Let's get one thing straight. We creep because we care.

McDonald's has been overthrown...it's officially: Armageddon

Super Size Me is free on Hulu!!!  J-woww tipped me off last week...Super High Me and All Dogs Go To Heaven are also free, in case you were wondering.

We grew up with Ronald and the Hamburglar and Griamace.  Playplaces and McFlurries.  We wrestled over the Ty Beanie Babies in the kids meals.  Shit got cutthroat.  Not that I ever had the metabolism for it.   

Momma always ran a strict house - if you think there were ever cookies in the cupboards, you are a few fries short of a Happy Meal.  So I watched Super Size Me...vom.  No wonder America's fat.  wtf momma is always right...also vom.

BUT!  According to the Wall Street Journal, Subway had 33,749 restaurants worldwide, compared to McDonald's 32,737...What.

They put out ads on craigslist, "Now Hiring - Part Time Sandwich Artist".  And have opened a location in a church in Buffalo, NY [insert footlong pun here].  So while McD's is still killing it in sales, Subway is planting its health-kicking seeds and waiting for an army of Jareds to start hitting the P90X.  It all makes sense!

All the fatties are getting the doctor's orders to eat better, be active.  So where are they going to turn for a fast meal that still tastes pretty good, has the healthy choice stamp of approval and the spokesman isn't a crackhead clown!  Face it.  The chillun love that stupid clown; but who's got the wallet?

The McDonald's dynasty...an EMPIRE.  And now the falling giant...the cardiac-seizing giant crash coursing the drive thru.  Forget the Mayan predictions and that unrest in the Promised Land.  Now I know we're screwed.

Who's got lunch plans?

Now check out how Pixar has changed the world.  Sweet!

Wake Up! The Economic Outlook SUCKS!

You left your shirt at my place...and I need you to come pick it up before people start to think it's mine.

Thanks BryGuy for brightening my Monday. Who doesn't appreciate this sick sense of humor? I was more disappointed when he said that he doesn't actually own this shirt. Right??

WOW! How about all this recession, depression, budget-shit-the-bed, and you're-never-going-to-resolve-your-student-debt. Face it. Status ho just hit&quit the status quo. Gotta brace ourselves for the oil drilling and stimulus strike out. Time for the prices to drop it, drop it lowwww; or bust. You think Obama wears this under his suits; a little Ammmrcan flag pin fastened to the collar? ZING.

I need this for when my neon sign isn't lit up on my forehead. You know, the one that says "eff off" (props Betty). So I can just walk around and wink at people all day. Imagine the looks you'd get! Hahaha, suckers. I'd never wear that. It would clash with my ass-hat.

But I'm taking orders. Get 'em while they're hot!...they come in three sizes: Skank. MILF. and DTF. Discounts for members if your card's been punched. Don't forget to enter the raffle to win the collector's edition, worn&torn by Lady Gaga.

p.s. Rent Is Too Damn High Guy, Jimmy McMillan - catch him on FoxNews tomorrow. But only if Biggest Loser is a repeat.

Celebrate Employee Appreciation Day...LIKE. A. BOSS.

Do The Lonely Island cuts ever get old? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA. Nope!

Talk to corporate and stamp memos alllll day. Like a boss. And then crash into that sun. Hard. Like a boss.


(my boy T - another excellent video)

hahahaha...Yike Bike! and the corporate lens.

Look at that thing go!!

Consider: If an employee is awarded a Benz for their years/loyalty/enthusiasm...assume it's a VP. (like a 1985 Benz/2010 Company Holiday Party) Otherwise, the rest of us can measure our worth in: Yike Bike. A cube captive's answer to their doubts about job satisfaction (mine better come with a midget.).

i'm expecting big things for national employee appreciation day!...try to act surprised tomorrow.

As tweeted by AsherRoth.

asherroth It starts with you, it starts with me, it starts with all of us. Let's go. A little hard work and still enough time to smack booty.

ya'll keep on following kim kardashian or lebron james garbage. i'll stick with asher roth. this dude beats out some nasty ballads, and he can twists the tweets with that twenty-something swag.

let that be your wednesday anthem. handle it.

In the name of Employee Appreciation Day

CONGRATS! To you! And to me. Cuz we are employees!

Employee Appreciation Day isn't actually until Friday (first Friday of March since the year 1955). More like YOU better appreciate YOUR JOB. According to Forbes, yes forbes, if you are a ROC city resident - then your city tied for Second Worst City To Find A Job...in America. Better get cozy.

Tied with Buffalo NY (no. comment.); coming up one head-count short of (wait for it).....New Orleans!! The place where you literally shake what your momma gave in order to get a festive string of beads. A city still rebuilding from a hurricane. I mean there's a reason that the last Disney Princess ever was from the bayous. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A CRAWDAD IS!


You know what though? There's new breweries opening every other month round these parts. Three Heads, Rogers Brewery, RocCity Brew Co...hmmm. All aboard the loose caboose!