"A high-surf advisory was issued for the Jersey Shore"

Text received last night: "f*ck tropical storm nicole...yep, you pretty much shit on the whole east coast...and ruined my afternoon"

Snooki's not the only one who can tear it up on the East Coast. Like, you gotta hand it to me! But since some Jamaicans did in fact die from Tropical Storm Nicole, it really doesn't feel right to go any further with this...

Moving on to Betty's boppin' contribution:



Tell me you remember JT's sweet N'Sync curls, and then throwing some slang in that Cup O' Soup costume. Right???

How did he get so freaking fly.

OOOchocino Toasted O-face

The phone number is supposed to connect callers to Feed the Children, which benefits from sales of "Ochocinco's"...Because of a wrong toll-free prefix for a number listed on Ochocinco's cereal, callers are directed to a phone sex line instead of a children's charity. - [ESPN.com]

HAHAHAHAHA.  C'mon guys.  Those are single working mothers.  Think of the children!

[good job Jamieson on the find]

Give me liberty, or give me Snooki.

CALLING ALL GRADS OF Zoolander's school for Kids Who Can't Read Good (and who want to learn to do other things good too)!  Your stars are shining today!

Right after I read that the Naked Cowboy announced his bid for the 2012 Presidential Race is when Snooki's book announcement showed up on the feed.

And that's when I wanted to kill myself.

"A girl looking for love on the boardwalk" - 'atta Snooki. And to think, I figured all she ever got was STDs and freebies. For shame, El Prez!

Now now. We could really go big places with this. The Barnes & Noble "S-nook-e-reader"?? BAM. SOLD.

Okay. That whole 'ruining the English language' thing aside. Between Stephen Colbert's address to Congress and the upcoming Naked Cowboy campaign, America is getting royally finger-banged. Two things...is this the beginning of the Tea-Bagging Party? and will the Klassy Kat be a part of the platform?

Oh and by the way in case you didn't know

IT'S NATIONAL COFFEE DAYYYYYY.

celebrate accordingly.

This Just In

Good news! Germany to clear World War I reparations - it's finally over!

Congrats recent college grads...this has all to do with your college loans (thanks to Sallie Mae and Fannie Pack Frogger whoever. Solid proof that the US government is never going to get off your case). After having been thoroughly sodomized after the Second World War, and acting as America/Great Britain/France's lunch money bitch for the past 92 years, Germany's back in the cool crowd.

Just in time for Oktoberfest!

I love a good lager.

No matter what I say after this...

Little Ike Ditzenberger from Snohomish WA, who has Down syndrome, got to run for a 51-yard touchdown in a live varsity game with his team. Aww!

No matter what, I'm going to sound like a straight up asshole after a video like this.

HOWEVER!



No matter what I say after a video like this, between the kankles, chins, 'f*ck a 5' comment, and the fact that Chile and Haiti have been plagued by catastrophic earthquakes earlier this year, I've already said too much.

...pregnant or ham sandwich?

You've got to have standards

Does it bother anybody else that FoxNews has a section on sex?

It's under like Health or Body/Mind section...Like, let's build a T-chart for the Pros and Cons of Erotica! Half way through the article, you gotta wonder - wtf is this really proper, logical, non-offensive bullshit? Probably where Tiger Woods got his best lines.

Fox is like your celibate great-aunt who has a shrine to Ronald Reagan and bakes apple pies and tells you stories about the community services/missionary work she did when she was your age. It's the arch enemy to Hilary Clinton and yet the cornerstone of the Palin campaign. My girl Bristol Palin knows all about missionary.

So I don't want any more prudes dishing out sex ed, fatties telling me what to eat, or seven year-olds schooling me on Star Wars. I don't want a mosque on Ground Zero and most certainly...

"I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican...I want it picked by an American. Then sliced by a Guatemalan, served by a Venezualan, in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian." - Stephen Colbert [Washington Post]

My goodness I love him.

Big difference between a dumb ass and a smart ass. Taste that America.



[big holler out to Betty for the video tip]