Offices closed today for holiday; trash to be picked up as usual

Now that we've all saluted the stars and stripes, more time for musings.

Headline of the local newspaper reads: Offices closed today for holiday; trash to be picked up as usual. Funny...we here at The Office don't like being referred to as trash.

In other news. Joey Chestnut won the Nathan's July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest (really, it was no contest) - ex champ Kobiashi got arrested for rushing the stage. Watching those contestants shovel raw dog pig links down their throats was horrific. Almost enough to make me want to miss the Fourth's cook outs...almost.

Fortunately for us sophisticated cube dwellers, my executive WC hosted a pig roast. Tres classy. My high school friend had a lamb roast for his grad party back in the day. He's Bosnian. At any rate, that was terrifying. The dead, skinned lamb was fully on a spit, rotating in the middle of our celebrating. Pretty distracting. So this weekend's pig roast was a fun time and a lot less scary, where we were able to go out socially and 'kick it'. In fact it's where I met my new boyfriend. He's kind of a pig...

[STICKY NOTE: name this movie - "How was your lamb?" ..."Skewered. One sympathizes."]

God Bless Amrrr'ca

Expecting that everyone had a safe and calorie-rich holiday weekend. Boating, cottage-ing, bbq-ing. Maybe kicked back on the back porch with a few mimosas in the kiddie pool?

However celebrated, I hope that you took the time to honor our great country. Remember: in Singapore, they whack you in the back of the legs for littering... So whether you cringe at the idea of reformed health care, if you were/weren't invited to the Tea Party, or if you gotta be working on July 5th...salute our great nation - you are a part of a pretty kick ass democracy. God Bless the US.

And in honor of the ones we love and lost here at The Office, especially Miss Magpie who packed her shit last Friday (pictured below. ignore her rainbow flag...pretend it's red/white/blue), and hats off to our dear ol' Butler who now dials from Chicago.

Detox Complete

Today. I did not have a single. drop. of. coffee. Detox complete. I don't even miss the sweet aroma of fresh pressed K-cups, the burn of that first steaming sip, the instant "CORPORATE AMERICA IS MY BITCH" caffeine jolt. Nope don't miss it at all. Not one single bit, not even a little.

Festive Feasting Preparation

Nothing gets me through Friday like getting out at 1pm and the heightened anticipation of the Nathan's Annual 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest. I am in total awe of Joey Chestnut and his accomplishments as a competitive eater. True Life: I'm trading in the trade of sales and opting for eating everything in sight.

Here are some other coooool things: 5 Ways to Go Green on the Fourth, Local Fairs Around Our Find ROC City, and don't forget the Renaissance Parade thing.

Sticky note: trying to track down the owner of a business with Independence Day just around the corner is a total loss. Epic fail of Friday.

When It Comes to Getting That Rai$e

There comes a time in every twenty-something's career when they must demand a raise.

That time is usually when you're sick of living at your parent's or when your student loans burn 90% of your income upon deposit. Take for example, young Crook. Who repays the Gov $1,100 every single month.

Two lessons here: community college is a steal. and asking for a raise is a rite of passage.

So how to go about this brain-wracking task of demanding your worth? After all, you've been busting your hump every single day, slapping a smile on your face, forgoing sick days, and been the boss's yes-man for a solid six months. Maybe even been employee of the month (but probably not). You start to realize, "Yeah. Yeah I have been working real hard!" and the mental tick sheet of your accomplishments accumulates. You imagine that watermarked check in your hand, practically skipping down the street on your way to spend it frivolously. Then enter the There-Is-No-Way-I'm-Not-Getting-That-Raise state of mind. Yes. You're so getting that raise.

Cha-ching.

The sit-down with your manager will go like this: you calmly state, with an air of pomp, that you've been an asset to the team and you know your career has a future here. "It's the little things," you tell your manager, and he nods in approval. Maybe you have printed documents as proof.

Your manager calmly states, with an air of authority, that while you've been an asset to the team, there is still some room to grow. "I want to see you succeed," your manager tells you, and you nod agreeably. You think great! we are on the same page here. You say - no, you demand - a little extra dough for your troubles. Your manager flashes a smile and gives you a wink, he will "absolutely take it into consideration."

Before you know it the hammer came down and door's shut behind you. Poof. Those visions of swimming in pools of dollar bills just disappeared and you have no idea what happened. Momentary black out. Good job standing your ground. Git back to your cube.

Now the next six months you'll be racing to re-prove the proof. Hey, at least you had that little heart-to-heart. You know, put that bug in your manager's ear. But all the sudden those pay stubs change for the better and you have a WTF moment. You got that raise! FALSE. Not until you reach down your pants, find your balls, and grab 'em, will you ever see that coin.

Good luck to Crook today - go get 'em?

Blame Canada

It's Canada Day, eh. Let's all celebrate, eh. Because here at The Office we are all about equal opportunity employment, eh. Everyone should have a little Canada in em at some point, eh.





Thanks Sink-O, eh.

Attention Campers: The Word of the Day is Value...

During my daily Google search, avoiding dials, I stumbled on...Camp Quest, the summer camp for atheists and agnostics.

Hmm. You don't say! I thought it was the caffeine withdrawal headache playing tricks on me. But they actually do normal fun stuff like capture the flag,

The team names included the Flaming Messiahs, a nod to the incinerated "Touchdown Jesus" sculpture north of Cincinnati struck by lightning last week, and the Dinosaur Jesus Riders, whose cheer goes like this: "Yeehaw, ride that Jesus!" [USAToday.com]

I went to a Christian-based summer camp for a few years. Partaking in the usual crafting, water sports and archery games. Never once did we sit around bashing Jews or chanting, "Guess what atheists. When you die...NOTHING HAPPENS!*" But if their values are based on bashing ours (and every other faithful individual), then they're missing out on a lot of boondoggle tips.

Atheist camp indeed. Didn't they already film something like that for MTV? Oh yes...it's called Jersey Shore.

*words of Dane Cook